TMI a little late but here!

1. Have you ever met a fellow blogger in person?
nope, I have met people from online games or message boards though...

2. Did you ever play an innocent game of "I'll show you mine if you show me yours"? How old were you?
hmmm, not that I can recall but probably...

3. When did you get your first not so innocent kiss?
I was 13 & at the skating rink... didn't ever know his name, just some guy who kissed me outside

4. Have you ever awoke with someone who's name you did not remember?
LOL...yes! Thank god RD knew about it so she called me the next morning and I put her on the phone with him and she found it out for me.

5. Have you ever let someone else wash you while you were perfectly capable of doing it yourself?
just the other day as a matter of fact :)

Bonus (as in optional): What makes a great first date for you?
conversation!

I really could care less where we go, as a matter of fact, the more casual the better... as long as there's great conversation I'm a happy camper!

oh boy

he's still damn cute.

I went and saw Mike tonight. He called me yesterday and we talked for a while, he asked me to come and see him because his girlfriend lost her ID and can't go.

He's so cute. I guess he'd been nervous and talking about me to his "neighbor" all day. He was still nervous while we were visiting. He'd be talking and all of a sudden look at me and lose his train of thought. He's always told me that I have the most beautiful eyes he's ever seen, he told me again tonight. He told me that if there's anything that could take him away from the great relationship he's in now it would be me. I didn't say anything else to that other than "I know".

I'm not gonna get wrapped up in him again, I just can't. I told him I didn't trust him and he said he understands and doesn't blame me. He also told me that he's finally figured out how much easier and better it is to tell the truth to people than to lie and he's worked really hard in his current relationship to be up front and honest with her.

On another note, I have to have surgery again. Same thing. Apparently I actually had 2 cysts and no one could feel or see the 2nd one until the 1st was gone. So I'll be broken again in about 2 1/2 weeks. CB said he'd take care of me after I have it done. We'll see if he's still around. Something happened the other day and I've told him he has one more chance and if he screws it up this time I'm walking away.

Sorry for my lack of blogging. I usually do it during the day at work and until yesterday the DSL had been down about a week. It's back up and I'm back!

No new HNT pics today, I'll get some next week.

Your voice sounds exactly the same...

That's the first thing he said when he called this morning...

Yes, I finally mailed Mike a letter on Wednesday or Thursday.

I'm actually doing really good. It was so great to talk to him. There wasn't any awkwardness or anything. We just talked like it hadn't been even a day since the last time we actually did. It was... comforting. We didn't talk for very long, maybe 10-15min. We talked a little bit about what I've been up to, a little bit about him, a little bit about his girlfriend. I guess he wrote me back yesterday when he got my letter, it'll be interesting to see what he had to say, and he said he'll call again so we'll see.

CB and I are still getting along pretty well. Last night we hung out a bit, he ended up staying the night then today we went out to lunch and to the movies. We saw 30 Days of Night. It was alright, not what I expected and I'm not sure I like how it ends but I was proud of myself for going. I don't usually like horror movies.. well, ever since I saw Event Horizon. That movie scared me so bad I haven't been able to really watch horror movies since I saw it.

The sex is still fucking fantastic... last night as soon as we walked in the door he threw me against the wall and gave me the most incredible kiss. Somehow from there we made it into the bedroom and of course the first thing he does is use that incredibly talented tongue to make me cum.... god, that is just my most favorite thing ever. After that it was allllll good....

Here's to it happening all over again tonight!

busy day and a little HNT

My boss is out of town so I'm running all three stores and it gets to be a bit of a juggling act. Not to mention I have an incompetent employee who frustrates me to no end.

CB and I spent the last 2 nights together. Both nights were actually really good. We seem to get along really well when we're together, it's when we're apart that we'll end up bickering about something stupid. It was fun to spend Halloween with him though. We drove around & looked at the different houses that were decorated then went to dinner then grabbed some ice cream, came back here, lit a bunch of candles and cuddled on the couch. It was fun.

last week ATLLG demanded more of the eyes so this one's for you :)

TMI #107

1. If they kept stats of your sex life like they do in sports, what would you lead the league in? what all time record would you hold?
haha, this is kind of a silly question... I don't think I'd lead the league or hold any records for anything...

2. What song gets you in the mood to have sex? best music to fuck to? best music to make love to?
oddly enough, I don't think I've ever had sex to music...maybe way back when I was a teenager or something, I dunno. As far as what gets me in the mood... anything that I can grind up against someone to...

3. Where is your favorite place to have sex in your house/apartment?
the bed... boring, I know... although, I'd really love for someone to bend me over the kitchen table or fuck me while I'm sitting on the kitchen counter....

4. (girls) Have you sent or given your used panties to a guy? Do you know what happened to them? (guys) Have you taken/asked for a girls panties before? What did you do with them? (non-breeders) What is the protocol for this "tradition"?
nope, my panties always go back on... plus, that's just weird to me

5. What makes a kiss a great to you?
passion...

Bonus: Who pays for a date? If the girl asks a guy out, does she pay? If you are interested in same sex partners, how do you determine who pays?
I kinda like to keep things fair... he'll pay one time I'll pay the next. If we do something like dinner and the movies and he pays for dinner I'll get the movies.

My Solution & Some HNT

ok, I finally came to a decision about Mike. I'm not going to go visit him, I know he has a girlfriend and I don't want to take a visit from her plus, although it probably wouldn't happen, there's always the chance that he'd refuse my visit and that would crush me. Instead I wrote him a letter and included my phone number and am going to leave it up to him whether or not he wants to talk to me. I just hope I can finally get some closure so I can close that chapter of my life and finally start to move on.

As for CB, he and I are still being dysfunctional, I really need to move on, I'm not sure what's stopping me. We had another stupid arguement last night and I haven't heard from him at all today. I'm sure that'll only last until tomorrow night though...

Here's me tired and a little hungover but making it through the day!

I didn't go

I wanted to go visit him so badly last night but I didn't. I went and hung out with some friends at the bar instead. The next time he's allowed visitors is Thursday so today I'm safe from sitting here wondering "should I go?" for at least a day. I did dream about him again last night, that's happened every night since I saw his brother on Friday. I guess my brain is just trying to sort out the conflict while I'm sleeping. I need closure and I'm never gonna get it if I don't see him...am I gonna get it if I see him though?

oh yea, for the record...

I did end up having sex Friday night

I can't seem to hold out & stop talking to CB for very long, that time it was from Sat to Fri... As soon as I end up in the same place as him I give in & end up taking him home with me. He is good with his tongue, his hands, everything else and knows the right places to touch just the right way to drive me crazy plus he knows and does the one kinky thing that turns me on more than anything and it's just too damn hot to give up!!!

So yes, many orgasms were had Friday night...

Confusion, Turmoil & Some TMI

We all have one... the one that got away, the person who hurt you so bad it's hard for you to trust anyone else now, the #100 on your "100 Things" list, the guy who you've started a blog about but have never been quite able to finish telling the story, the love of your life, one of the only 2 first kisses you remember, the boy you fell in love with when you were 12 but didn't get together with until you were 23... the boy who broke your heart when you were 25 and you've never really been able to move beyond it.

ok, ok, so maybe you don't have that guy, but I do.

The last time I talked to him was in July '03 and every day since then I've thought about him and wondered where he was and what he was doing.

Friday night I ran into his brother at the bar and got the answer to that question.

He's in jail, in the town that I live in and now I'm waging a war inside myself on whether or not I should go see him.

I think I need to. Not for answers, I don't want an explanation of why he did what he did. I just want to know we can be friends and that I can walk away this time.

we'll see.

ok, enough of that... time for some TMI!

1. What are your 7 favorite tactile things that turn you on? Sex (like oral, or penetrative) cannot be an answer. (Examples: silk, light tickling, etc).
massages, light tickling, kissing and light kisses in the right spots.. ok, really anywhere on the body, sucking on my neck, feathers, silk... is that 7?

2. What are your non-genital errogenous zones and what do you like done to them?
There's this spot on my neck that Mike was always able to find... omg, it would drop me to my knees, aside from that back of the knees & ankles...

3. What sounds get you sexually charged?
the quickening of breathing and any kind of moans or noises from a guy... I love guys who make noise when they're turned on, that just gets me going like you wouldn't believe.

4. After losing your virginity, what is the longest you’ve gone without penetrative sex?
I'm not sure, I lost my virginity at 14 so I'd guess 6 months and that would've been years & years ago... now I'm goin crazy if I go 6 days :P

5. What is your least favorite sexual position? Why don't you like it?
I'm actually not a fan of being on top, it eventually hurts my back.

Bonus (as in optional):If you could sexually dominate or submit to 5 people - any 5, currently living or deceased - which 5 would it be?
I think I'm gonna pass on the bonus this week, I don't really have a good answer for it...

Happy TMI!

What happened to the sex?

Seriously.

My original intent of this blog was to talk about all my smutty little adventures and what did I go and do... I broke my rules and got involved with a boy and then another one and then started talking about feelings and stuff and stopped writing about sex.

My bad.

So, while maybe not this weekend (I think I'm getting my effin period, why couldn't it wait till Monday!) but hopefully next weekend I'll make an effort to get back to my prowling ways and find a cute new victim to tell you all about :)

So, hope everyone has a sex fill weekend, have an orgasm or two for me!

Kisses!

I kinda miss him...

RD dedicated this song to be our song so now it reminds me of him... This isn't the actual video for it but I'm not able to link to the real one. You can search for Jason Michael Carroll over on YouTube if you want to see his version.

TMI #104 (a week late)

I took a look at this weeks questions and don't really have any good answers for them since I'm not so good at the dating thing so since I missed last week I figured I'd go back & do those instead.

oh, and bare with me, I'm messing with my blog colors again :)

1. Wash up, cuddle or fall asleep?
I'd say cuddle or just lay there with one body part touching, like a hand, leg or foot. I'm usually too wired to sleep and washing up right away is just tacky... well, unless it's one of those kinds of things ;)

2. Have you ever fake orgasms?
haha, yes, he needed to be done!

3. In any 24 hour period, what is the most number of times you have ever had sex?
I think this question is really open a lot to interpretation. What is considered a "time". Is it when he cums, when I cum? When he stops then starts again 10 minutes later after a breather? A couple weeks ago I had sex off & on from around midnight to 3am then resumed again off & on from like 8am to noon... (good lord that was fun!)

4. Have you ever had sex or give/received oral sex while you were driving a car?
I know I've given oral while someone was driving & I want to say that I've received but it would've been so long ago that I can't clearly recall if I have or not...

5. What do you think the average number of sexual partners your sex has in their lifetime (so for me a male)? Do you think most people lie when asked?
I'd probably say around 6, although in todays day & age women are becoming more and more ok with casual relationships and sleeping with more men than in past history so the number is probably larger. As far as lying about it, I'd imagine there are a lot of women out there who do lie about it since it's still not really socially acceptable for a woman to sleep around.

Bonus (as in optional):Can men and women be "just friends?" (Explain)
I think it's possible but not too common. At some point human nature kicks in and one of the two develops an attraction for the other.

My Random Ponderings

It's interesting the different answers people come up with to these questions. You're welcome to answer them here in a comment or to just ponder them to yourself.


Why do we have such a need to have someone else in our lives to make us feel complete?

Why do we love when we know we might get hurt or hurt someone?

Why do we need love at all?

Is there such a thing as love at first sight?

Is there such a thing as soul mates?

Happy Monday

This weekend was alright.

Friday night RD and I went out to the bar. CB showed up not too long after we were there and a bunch of other people we know were there. She ended up playing dice with a few people down on the other end of the bar from where CB and I were sitting. It was really great to see her laughing and having a good time but I couldn't help thinking... why am I not down there. I'm usually the one right up in the middle of the fun but here I was sittin on a bar stool next to this guy, hardly talking and not having the best time I could've. Yea, I probably should've gotten up & gone over & played dice with everyone else but I didn't really want to deal with the comment or the bad mood I probably would've gotten later about it. He did end up coming home and staying the night with me... after all that with the cat stuff I didn't even ask why he made the exception.

Saturday after RD got off work we swung by a BBQ I had been invited to, it was ok, mostly really young or older people but the location was a beautiful piece of property. I hadn't heard from CB pretty much all day other than 1 silly text forward which I thought was strange, he usually sends me text messages all throughout the day just sayin hi or seeing what I'm up to. So, around 6pm I sent him one asking how his day was & got no response. Around 9:30 RD and I went to the bar & he was there and of course, like every Saturday he was already really drunk. Now, he's one of those people who kind of has a hair trigger personality and something so silly & random can set him off, when he's drunk it's so much worse, it drives me nuts. He was pretty good though throughout the night until it came time to leave. One of his friends came out to the car(I was sober) to say goodbye to us and I guess he said something to piss of CB so then they had to do the manly talking shit chest to chest thing until I said something about knocking off the infantile behavior or I was leaving by myself. His friend got him to back down & get in the car & we left. So then we get to my house he gets out, comes around and tells me that he's leaving... wtf. There was a short conversation that was had with me basically saying if he wasn't going to come up & stay the night that we were done.. sorry, I'm not ok with the drunk driving. He actually chose to get in the car and leave...

He sent me a text about 1/2 later saying good night sweetie and I sent one back telling him I meant what I said about us being done and I haven't heard from him since...

I'm ok with it all, yes I liked him and yes I'll miss him but I can only say "He's really nice when he's sober" so many times before it becomes ridiculous.

It took a lot of convincing for me to give him a shot so I think I want to take a break from the whole dating just one person thing for a while. I don't like to nor do I want to have to modify my behavior and who I am for someone else, that doesn't make me happy.

Uninspired & Some HNT

That's how I'm feeling I suppose, and it's not that I'm unhappy or anything, I just don't really know what to say right now. Almost a writers block I suppose.

I do have one little frustrating thing going on though. I've finally given in and been hanging out with Country Boy... by the way, I'm shortening him to CB... anyways, I've decided that I like him. He's really sweet to me and we have a good time together.

Now here comes the part where I'm Karmically cursed.

A couple years ago he had lung cancer & had a transplant and is now immunosuppressed and has to get labs done every couple weeks to make sure everything's ok. He went a couple days ago and his labs came back that he has some weird virus that has something to do with cats that he had before and had to get blood transfusions for to get rid of.

Well, I have a cat... and I'm not giving her up... and now he can't hang out at my place and his place isn't an option.

Aside from that stuff, JS's new girlfriend and I have tentatively started talking and are on our way to becoming friends. She's a nice girl and while I was feeling a little resentful towards her at first for what happened, I know it's not her fault and he's a good friend and I just want him to be happy and this is what he's chosen. So I support that and want to make it comfortable for everyone and want everyone to be friends & have a good time.

Little bit of HNT for ya! I posted one of my tattoos a couple weeks ago so here's the rest.

TMI #103

1. Early bird or night owl?
I am such the night owl!

I will go to bed as late as possible to still get up on time in the morning.. and boy, watch out cause I'm sooooo not a morning person, lol

2. If you could only be one, would you rather be smart or good looking?
damnit, this one is hard... I'm both smart and good looking and I'm not sure which I'd give up... just how "not good looking" would I be?? Would I still be good looking enough to pick up guys? hehe... I'm bad, I know...

3. Do you gossip?
little bit to my best friend but tthat's to be expected... I'm pretty good at extracting gossip from people without giving up any of my own info though

4. On a scale of 1-10, how adventurous are you? (1 is lowest, 10 is highest)
sexually- about an 8 or 9, in life- probably a 5 or 6

5. On a scale of 1-10, how good a kisser do you think you are? ( ditto )
an 11! no, really... I'm a sensual kisser and I like to nibble on lower lips a little ;)

Bonus (as in optional):What do you consider the biggest turn on out of the following? a) lingerie b) movies c) toys d) role playing e) leather f) none of this does anything for me
what happened to g)all of the above? .... any one of those things can be a huge turn on given the setting, mood & other person involved...

ok, so yea, still can't keep it in my pants...

Once again I went to the bar last night, was drinking and ended up talking to Country Boy for the first time since Sunday. He apologized and was being really nice & not drinking too much because he didn't want to upset me again so I ended up forgiving him enough to let him drive me home then couldn't help it and invited him in.

What can I say, I was horny and he's friggin fantastic in bed!

We got to my place a little after one and were still going at it at 3:15 when my neighbors pounded on their ceiling to try and shut us up (hehe). We went through every position from missionary to him on top, behind, laying side by side, me on my back w/him on his side... he went down & made me cum 3 or 4 times and good lord does this boy know how to find my g-spot. Then this morning we went for a few more hours all over again :)

oh! and thanks to the Rum, I told him that I like things a little kinky. Hair pulling, spanking, being dominated, the whole hand on the neck thing and I "may" have told him I like being tied up but I don't exactly remember. So after I told him he did get a little forceful, pinning my hands above my head & stuff like that, it was great!

We'll have to see if he behaves himself well enough tonight for me to take him home again :)

weirdness...

JS called me tonight...

Just to talk...

I'd almost forgotten how easy it was to have a great conversation with someone...

We talked about baseball and football and stuff he has going on with his cousin & friends. We were laughing and talking and it was just so easy.

Something interesting that's sitting in the back of my mind about this whole thing and it's probably nothing, but I know Sat night he & the new girl got into a fight. To the point where they left the bar and he came back without her. By that time I was leaving though so I didn't really get a chance to hang out with him...

So yea...

I really miss talking to him...

TMI #102 & My Weekend

1. Who did you think you would marry in elementary school?
I don't remember having anyone that I thought I would marry back then... I remember having crushes but not anything to that fantasy degree...

2. Which muppet is your favorite? Why?
I love those two old guys up in the balcony, they're all grouchy and funny and they crack me up!... aside from them, I loved Animal, he was crazy and of course, Kermie.. well, just 'cause he's Kermie :)

3. Which politician would you most like to screw? [For pleasure or revenge]
I don't like & don't follow politics so I've got nothin for ya on this one... for the record, I do vote in every election though

4. How did you first find the g-spot?
not me... I rely on other people to do that ;)

5. What is the best costume you've ever worn?
there was that French Maid's outfit... juuuuust kidding. Huh, ok, I guess when I was in elementary school for a few Halloweens I dressed up as a roller skating majorette... that way I got to wear roller skates for teh whole day at school, that was cool :)

Bonus (as in optional):Does pornography liberate or deteriorate society?
liberate baby! I swear, everybody needs to lighten up when it comes to sex... it's such a natural & fun thing and it's made out to be this taboo thing unless you're married blah, blah, blah.. and god forbid you're a female who sleeps around, then we're gonna call you a slut & look at you sideways while we're whispering under your breath about you...

except when I get you in my bed then you're whispering in my ear that I'm the best you ever had ;)

ok, wow, I got a little ranty there for a sec.... um, yea, I'm all for porn as long as it doesn't interfere with your life and ability to perform with your sig. other.


Happy TMI everyone... sorry I haven't posted in a few days, I drank a whole lot over the weekend for my birthday and spent the last couple recovering.

Friday night I ended up going to the bar, Country Boy was there but I ignored him for the first couple hours & he did the same, then around midnight I had drank enough to go over and tell him what an ass he was and we ended up making up, lol... he came home with me that night & we had some pretty kinky fantastic sex, I ended up showing him my super secret fetish & oh wow!... then the next morning we ended up having sex a bunch more times... it was great!

Sat night, for my birthday I went out to dinner with friends then to the bar. I had a GREAT Time. Country Boy stayed home but came & picked me up & drove me home when I was too drunk to stay there anymore. (Going back and reading my drunk text messages to him is quite amusing)

Sunday night... *sigh* Sunday night was the end of he & I. He sent me a text asking if I'd like to go get a drink with him & I said yes so he came & picked me up. He had already been drnking by that time, it's hard to tell with him how much though. So we go to the bar and he has a few and with every one he turns more & more into an ass. He tried to pick fights with a couple of his friends down there and then he just really started being a dick to me. I was tired & had to work the next morning so I wanted to go home & at first he said he wasn't ready to leave then he said he'd drive me. I told him no, that he wasn't driving, I was going to drive (I was sober)... He refused to let me drive his truck. It just got worse & worse until I ended up going off on him in the bar and getting a ride home from someone else I knew. He did send me a couple texts later and called me a couple times, asking if he could come over but I told him no and that what he did was just so beyond disrespectful and rude and I was done.

What sucks the most is that he's really one of the sweetest, nicest guys you'll ever meet when he's sober but when he's drunk, oh buy, watch out, it's like Jekyll & Hyde...

So, I'm officially not attached to anyone anymore. At least not anyone that I have to worry about getting jealous or upset about the things that I do or who I talk to.

oh, on a side note... DM called me Friday night and was going to come out with me on Sat but ended up flaking... again. It was the first time I've heard his voice in a couple months, he's still damn adorable, I just wish he wasn't so damn flaky!

HNT- little late

Well, I have drama with the Country Boy but I'm too tired to post all about it today... I think I may be done with him though... After a million drunk text messages and 8 drunk phone calls with hang ups I've had just about enough...

My birthday is tomorrow... woot? At least I don't look my age :)

I usually love my birthday. Every year I throw a party and hang out with my friends and just have a good time. This year I'm still getting together with friends for dinner and drinks but it's going to be the first birthday without my Grandmother plus RD is going to be out of town and that makes me really sad.

So for HNT & in honor of my Bday here is a pic of one of my tattoos, it's the symbol for Virgo on the back of my neck :)

No WW today...

I just wasn't feeling the questions so what I did instead was to finish off "My 100 things"!

Go me!

So, if you'd like to find out all sorts of stuff about me go check it out... as always, I'd love to hear what you think!

TMI #101

1. What is one thing a your significant other could do to you to rock your world?
buy me diamonds? hehe... I know you're probably looking for something sexual but really, having a great conversation with me seems to get me every time. You know, one of those that everything just flows and you're smiling and laughing and just communicating on a level all of its own.

2. Which super power (ability to turn invisible, ability to read people's thoughts, or invulnerability) would you take and why?
I think I'd like to be able to fly... that way I could go anywhere I want, whenever I want and not have to worry about paying high airplane ticket fees! hehe

3. Would you rather be tied up or tie someone else up?
tie me up! (please... someone, now! really!) ... I kinda covered this in my last post. I love kink, I love being tied up and letting someone have their way with me. I'm usually in control of what goes on in my life and it's one time that I'm actually almost able to give up that control and that's such a turn on for me.

4. What is your best physical and non physical asset?
hmmm, for physical I'd probably say breasts, eyes or smile... non physical.. well, I'm a very smart girl...

5. If they were naming new Dwarves beyond the seven what would your name be and why?
Kinky Dwarf? ... sorta self explanatory

Bonus: What's the most embarrassing thing you ever bought?
oh hell, I get embarassed buying everything from tampons to condoms... i don't know why... So, every year I go to the SF Gay Pride festival and stock up on the free ones they give out so I don't have to :)

Cravings and kink

ok, so today I'm having these insane "please-pin-me-up-against-the-wall-have-your-way-with-me-and-fuck-me-hard" cravings and it's driving me crazy... I think It's because I was sex deprived for those 5 weeks and now that I can have sex again my hormones have kicked into overdrive and I want it all the time again.

How do you tell someone, hey can you fuck me hard against a wall or something... that or pin me down on the bed and just dominate me....

I know he'd do it, I can see a wicked streak in him but it both scares and excites me...

You see, I love kinky sex. I love to be tied up, tied down, spanked, hair pulled, blind folded etc... and just plain dominated. Not disrespected though. I'm not a true sub, I can be mighty defiant when asked to do something I don't want to do.

The thing about kinky sex for me is that it's easy to not let emotion get involved so it's *safe* for me. Sure, there's passion and lust but it's all sexual. I won't get butterflies in my tummy from you biting my neck or spanking my ass where I might happen if you were lightly kissing me and running your fingers lightly down my body.

Then we come to boys and kinky sex. Most of the time they're the same way with kinky sex as they are with anal. You let them do it once and they want to do it every frikkin time. Please guys, I do not want your dick in my ass every time we have sex. Every so often if you get me turned on enough, sure, we can go there but if you try to do it all the time I'm just gonna say no and that's gonna be it... and on that same note, I don't want to be tied up or have rough sex every time either. Sometimes the best sex is just taking your time and exploring and being sweet and gentle and just letting the moment overtake you... Let the kinky sex be a sometimes thing so when it does happen it's breathtaking, passionate and just fun.

Which brings me to my dilemma... do I want to take the chance and entice him to let the beast inside of him out with the hopes that he won't over abuse the fun? or do I want to let the sleeping giant stay sleeping?

oops, I almost missed HNT

shame on me...

I'm a little stressed out at work these days. I can't talk to my boss anymore and it's really frustrating. I call him up and he's always too busy to listen to what I have to say then forgets to call me back. On top of that, he always forgets stuff so I have to remind him multiple times and he gets all pissy when it's something he remembered or something he didn't and he already has alternate plans.

So, needless to say, a few months ago I started having this really weird burning pain in my chest, at first I thought it was my lungs because I have mild asthma but my inhaler didn't help at all. The pain would only last for about an hour or so then go away. Well, about 2 1/2 weeks ago the pain started up again and hasn't stopped since. I was waking up in the middle of the night just wanting to cry it hurt so bad. I tried, I think Tums & Maalox with no results so I emailed my Dctor and he told me to try Pepcid for a week to see what happens. His suspicion is that I have GERD. Whetever it is it hurts and needs to go away, lol.

Anyways, this week for HNT I'm giving RD a little payback for calling me out in my comments (she knows about it) and posting a pic of her in a bra... followed by a couple of me :)
HHNT!!

WW#41... The Naked Truth

I believe this is my first Wet Wednesday post... go me... If you'd like to play along check it out

1. how thin is TOO thin for you in a lover? is it someone like kate bosworth, posh spice, or mark anthony?
I'm sittin here trying to figure out how exactly to answer this question.... I actually prefer guys with a little meat on their bones. I love big arms & chests, you don't need to have 6-pack abs to impress me. In fact, I'd take the imperfect guy before the perfect guy 9 times out of ten... oh, except I'd take Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp or Vin Diesel any day of the week :) ... I'm the same way with girls, eat a damn cheeseburger... I don't want to see your collarbone or your ribs...




2. how 'large' is too big for you in a lover? (i'm not going to list any names as terms like large, overweight, and big are all part of individual taste - but feel free to list celeb names, etc.)
Just be or be close to height/weight proportionate... even though John Goodman is funny I don't find him sexy...

3. if you were to get a new lover and this weekend was your first time having sex with them. how would you feel about them seeing you nude? is a look in the mirror in the buff cringe-worthy, or are you lookin' pretty damn good?

oh, I cringe, lol.... and it really all depends on the guy, what they like and how comfortable they make you feel about yourself.

Happy Hump Day... I wish many orgasms to all!!!!

TMI #100

Happy TMI!

Come play!

1. Where was the first place you ever had sex?
heh... in a bathroom in a bench... like the bathrooms they have at the swimming pool of an apartment complex... not very romantic, I know... I just wanted to have sex!

2. Does size matter? (open to interpretation boys and girls)
I'd like to say no but lets be honest, of course it does. You've gotta be able to feel it and it's gotta feel good! and... there really is such a thing as too big!

3. Have you ever had sex in your office or your place of employment?
no, but good lord that would be hot...

4. Ever been skinny dipping?
yes, not for many, many years though... oh, except naked hot tubbing earlier this year

5. Top or bottom?
top or bottom what??

Bonus: Where were you September 11, 2001? What were you doing when you first heard about the twin towers?
I remember getting in my bar to go to work and the radio was on and the DJ's were chatting about something and I didn't really want to listen so I put a cd in. Then when I walked into work everyone was looking at the news on the internet and talking about what happened. I didn't really comprehend the magnitude of it until a few minutes later we watched the 2nd plane fly into the 2nd tower... then I was speechless and so, so sad. I'm not religious and I don't ever go to church but one of my friends/co-workers at the time was and later that day I went with him to church to pray and light a candle for everyone involved that day.

So much for doctors orders...

and damn he was persistent....

yes, I had sex this weekend

It was great

damnit

but really... Friday night I let Country Boy come home with me, nothing happened that night but the next morning he did the whole kissing me all over teasing thing until I let him get my panties off for some fantastic oral... ok, he knows I can't have sex yet but damn if this boy isn't good at the art of seduction. After I came he laid down behind me spooning me and wrapped his arms around me. He was kinda kissin on my neck and back a bit and was hard so he put his cock between my legs. Being all wet from the orgasm a few minutes prior, it slid between them pretty easily. He didn't try to put it inside me at first, he was just moving back & forth, rubbin on my clit and teasing the heck out of me...so of course he got me to the point where when he finally did slide inside me I didn't say no... and omg, wow did that feel good. He went slow (at first) and kept checking to make sure he wasn't hurting me, it was sweet...

There's more but that's all I'm gonna share right now... I still have mixed feelings about him. His persistence is starting to wear me down but I'm not ready to give up being single quite yet. I'm having so much fun in my life without one specific someone. Plus, I still get a little sad everytime I see JS and it's not fair to bring anyone else into my life while I'm still doing that.

So, for now I'll have fun with it and continute to be open and honest about what i'm feeling and just kinda go from there.

OOC

Here, let me translate...

Out
Of
Control

yep, that's me.

Last night around six Country Boy was text messaging me and said he was down at the bar and could he buy me a drink or two. At first I said no but gave in and decided to go down there around nine. He bought me a drink and we sat down across from each other at a table a little ways away from the bar. He was in the booth part and I was in a chair across from him, kinda sideways so I could see what was going on behind me at the pool tables & bar. The friend he was there with sat in a chair near where I was. So, the three of us were chattin about this & that when this girl came over, sat down next to him and started talking to him. His friend immediately got up and went over to the pool tables and I kinda turned sideways so I wouldn't be all up in their conversation.

The music was loud and I don't hear very well plus he's not my boyfriend and what he does in his life is really none of my business but I could hear that she was trying to get him to go home with her. He kept telling her no and she was asking why and he wouldn't tell her. I know that was more for my sake than anything, he knows I want space and for him to take his time so he's not gonna tell someone that he's there with me or anything assumptive like that. So the girl then said something about him asking her to come down there & he replied saying it was to hang out nothing more. She also mentioned something about him kissin up on her earlier in the night and then asked if I was the reason he didn't want to leave with her... luckily around that time the bartender, who is a friend of mine, came walking by and saw the look on my face and figured out what was going on so she came over and stood right next to me and struck up a conversation until that girl got the hint and left to go sit back at the bar.

You'd think that was it right? Not so much. Like 2 minutes after the bartender left the girl came back over and leaned down to talk to him. At this point I was done with the b.s. so I just stood up without a word and walked away, on over to the bar. I wasn't watching but when I got to the bar I was told as soon as I got up to walk away he got up and walked outside, leaving her there. The girl ended up leaving altogether not too much later and he came back inside. He then came over to where I was kissed my hand & said he was really sorry about all that and would I like to come sit with him at the bar. I agreed and we went over and sat down.

He ended up playing pool with the friend he was there with and between shots we kinda talked. Then the strangest thing happened that kinda pissed me off a little bit... It was close to 11(my bedtime) and I had finished my drink so I was thinkin about maybe going home soon but he asked if he could buy me another. I figured I'd have one more with him then go home. Oh no.... I got my drink, he paid for it then said he was leaving... wtf.... After all the asking all week for me to hang out with him, I finally give in and do it then he decides to leave me... by myself... with a full drink... at the bar.... He knew I was pissed too, and know what he said to me as he was leaving... just trying to give you your space so you'll want me more.

son of a...

you know what... it effin worked

I was so mad that not even five minutes after he left I got up, left my full drink on the bar and went home. I sent him a bitchy text message and of course he sent a nice one back.. we ended up trading text messages and I finally calmed down then around 12:30 we finally got to him asking if he could come over & make it up to me... what was I gonna say, no? :) The whole oral sex through the panties thing is so erotic... this time tough, he did manage to talk me into letting him take them off... and oh my god... this boy has some skills.... he's perfect with the gentle teasing at first then knows when to apply more pressure and speed later... none of that hard sucking that I just don't like... gotta be gentle with me :)

I told RD not to let me take him home Saturday night when we go there...

I refuse to let his persistence wear me down...

boy issues, I need a new job and some HNT

I didn't want to take away from my weekend story(cause it really was damn hot!) but my country boy is actually driving me crazy... and not the good kind of crazy.

This poor boy has such a huge crush on me and wants more from me than I want to or am willing to give and I feel kinda bad about it. I keep telling him, and have been telling him from the beginning that I need space and that I'm not ready for anything serious right now. He knows, but I have to keep reminding him, that it was only a week ago I stopped seeing someone I really liked. He text messages me all the time, which I don't mind, the problem is that every day he asks me out. I usually side-step it by saying something about him being persistent but yesterday I was done with all that. I told him it would be nice for once to have a conversation with him that doesn't include him asking me out.... In my experience that would've pushed most guys away, but not him.. he replied "I can do that"

He's too nice for me...

I want a nice guy but I want someone who is going to stand up to me and take the lead and be my partner, not my pet.

One thing he really doesn't have working in his favor is that I'm a Virgo and he's an Aquarius. Don't get me wrong, I love Aquarius, both my sister and RD fall under that sign and they are some of the sweetest people around, it's just not the right sign for a Virgo to be in a relationship with...

Here's something I found about the compatability...

VirgoWoman & Aquarius Man
This is not a very good match for either one of you. You may be drawn to the Aquarius boy because he shares with you an intellectual, logical way of looking at the world. However, he is also a dreamer who spends a lot of his time theorizing about the future and chasing wild ideas tosee where they lead. Meanwhile, you’re stuck doing all the practical stuff. He’s the type of guy, with you, who will try to get you to do his homework so he can figure out how to reconfigure his computer. You’ll feel used, and you’ll get extremely frustrated at his head-in-the-sky behaviour, but you won’t be able to change him. A difficult match that’s better left unmade.

This unlikely combo can be filled with plenty of activity and adventure. Virgo girl is intrigued by Aquarius boy's far-flung ideas and downright dreaminess. Just remember, Virgo, that not everyone can be as organized and with—it as you, so cut your guy a break when he's not as quick as you are!

I told RD I'd give it a try though, just to see what happens... and I have been... I just don't have any of that spark like I had with JS or even DM.... it sucks it couldn't be just a casual thing 'cause based on last weekend I think he'd be a lot of fun in bed...

On a different note... I need a new job.

I used to love my job but now I'm no longer having any fun at it and I don't look forward to coming to work anymore. I can't get any time off because there's no one to cover my shifts and I've been working 10hr+ days with no additional compensation (I'm the manager & salaried). Plus I have a lot of resentment towards my boss for having me work and not being very compassionate after my surgery.

So, of all things, I think I've decided that I want to go and be a Bartender. Everyone I mention it to thinks I'd be really great at it and that it's the perfect job for me. I'm such a night and social person and it just seems like my kind of thing. It just seems like something I'd have fun doing. I'm going to wait until after my birthday and after I'm all healed and I'm going to look into doing it.

ok, so it's I don't have a pic of my Fredericks shoes this week but I haven't forgotten! Hopefully you're not tired of my lips or my eyes yet!

Hear No Evil

Speak No Evil

See No Evil

HHNT!!

what a weekend... oops.. and some TMI

ok, so if I was a guy right now I'd be typing "I swear, I don't know how to keep my dick in my pants"... oh wait... I typed it anyways... You'd even think me having surgery would keep my pants on since I'm not allowed to have sex for 2 more weeks...

yea right, nice try...

So, Friday night I had actually planned on staying home and finishing up an online course that I had to take but my best guy friend called to say he and his wife were on their way to the bar and I should meet them there. Now how could I say no to that :) So I go, we drink & have a blast and then things get kinda fuzzy.

I know the country boy showed up while my friends were still there and was watching me from across the bar because onbe of my friends kept commenting on it. I know that after my friends left at some point I ended up going to talk to him and I was at the bar till it closed. I know he drove me home and my drunk ass ended up inviting him in...

d'oh...

We didn't really do much that night, I was so tired I just wanted to fall asleep. He did ask for a kiss though and we ended up making out and he ended up kissing me all over. He knew I couldn't have sex yet but damn that boy if he didn't keep trying to get down my panties, lol. I kept having to tell him no and push him away because I'm still healing and still had a couple sutures... did he give up, oh no... instead while kissing me he took his hand and lightly over my panties stroked my clit until I came... after that he conceded and took me into his arms and I fell asleep (passed out)

does it end there?

oh no...

So the next morning I wake up to him running his fingers down my arm and my back, he gave me a back massage then kissed the back of my neck, down my back, my butt, the backs of my legs and my feet... I had chills running up & down my whole body, it was incredible... he turned me over and did the same thing down the front... kissing and running his tongue down my neck, my breasts, my tummy, my thighs, knees, calves, ankles & feet... on his way down he tried to stop at my panties and I pushed him away so sneaky thing he was.... from my feet he started to move back up kissing and tickling to my thighs where he slowly ran his tongue up my inner thigh just to the edge of my panties then went across to the other side and did the same. He did this a few times until I was very much turned on then as he was moving from one side to the other he'd run his tongue across my panties over my clit... as you can imagine it only took a couple times of doing that before I wasn't pushing him away any more. He then proceeded to lick me through my panties, playing with my clit with his tongue... it was actually one of the more erotic things I've experienced. When I came, I came hard...

I let him stay with me Sat night also ;)

It's gonna be an issue though... he really likes me and I'm not looking for anything more than fun... kinda sucks cause I think he'd be really fun in bed...

Now for some TMI!

1. What did you eat for dinner yesterday?
meatloaf & salad.. yum

2. How much cash is in your purse/wallet right now?
none, it's all in my pocket

3. What have you done to avoid being flirted with by someone you didn't like?
Try to find a nice way out of the conversation and if that doesn't work I'll usually make some rude-ish comment to try to help them get the picture...

4. Do you believe the theory "Once a cheater always a cheater"?
In my experience it's usually true but I do believe that people can change if they really want to.

5. Describe your sex life in two words.
fun & interesting

Bonus (as in optional): Would you/have you ever paid money for sex?
nope, no need ;)

Next!

A while back RD found this really good article about breaking up and moving on and we've sort of adopted one of the points from it..

I will learn to say "next!"
Plain and simple, the world is full of men. Everywhere you turn, there's a man. Look — there goes one now! A wise woman once told me that men are like city buses: If you miss one, there will always be another. I decided that, from now on, I would not assign any man too much meaning too early on. I am not going to worry that I won't find "it" again. I will not worry that I'll end up in a rocking chair surrounded by cats
and empty wine bottles. I will remember that there will always be another.

Speaking of there always being another, I already have someone calling & texting me trying to get me to go out with him. Sheesh, I haven't even been single 5 minutes, I need room to breathe people! Besides, I'm not really a one guy kind of girl... How do I break that to a country boy who I've apparently got "hypnotized" as he puts it... *sigh* His crush is probably my fault though, everytime I've seen him I've been drinking and I get really flirty when I drink... oops!

RD and I went shopping at Fredericks of Hollywood the other day and I bought these really sexy lacy heels... I'm at work or I'd take a picture to post for today, I'll have to remember to do that when I'm there... for today, you get the shirt I'm wearing.. it's kinda hard to read but it says "My Pad or Yours"

HHNT!

Sometimes I hate being right... and happy TMI

So JS and I are officially done.

I knew something was up, I could feel it. I had called him on Wednesday and left a message and for the first time since we've met he didn't call back. So I called him again early Friday evening & he answered, I asked him if he had plans that night & he said he did so I asked if he had an hour to come talk to me because I think we needed to, he agreed that we needed to talk but that he was on his way out & didn't have time to that night so he'd call me when he woke up the next morning & come over then. ok, that's all fine & dandy.

RD was out of town & I decided I didn't want to sit home by myself so I went down to the bar, didn't see his car anywhere so I went in. I'd say I was there at least an hour before I kinda see the door open behind me & 2 people walk in, next thing I know he's tapping me on the shoulder asking if he can talk to me outside as I see a girl come in & go sit down at the end of the bar.

So I go outside and the conversation goes something like this:

him: so there's no easy way to say this but I'm seeing someone else

me: yea, no shit, ya think

him: I'm really sorry, this isn't the way I wanted you to find out, I didn't think you were here, I looked but didn't see your car.

me: what happened to you being a nice guy and not bringing a girl to this bar even if you had met someone.

him: I'm sorry, what do you want me to do.

me: leave, just leave, take her & get out of here, call me and come over tomorrow morning & we'll talk and maybe be able to stay friends but I'm not gonna talk to you here right now.

him: ok, I can do that.

So, we go back inside, I go sit down, he walks over to her, I guess she had ordered them drinks while we were outside cause they were just being set down. Anyways, not even a minute later they get up, full drinks on the bar and leave.

I thought that was a pretty stand up thing of hn to do.

So, the next morning he calls and comes over and we talk. He tells me she is someone he's known for a long time but hasn't seen in a few years and ran into her last week. He's had feelings for her for a long time and almost left his wife for her back in the day and she almost left her boyfriend but they both decided not to. So now that he's not married & she's single he'd hate himself if he passed up the opportunity to be with her. I told him I couldn't fault him for that but the way I found out was wrong. He had no business bringing her to that bar without me knowing about her first because one of two things were going to happen. Either he was going to walk in with her while I was there, which he did or I would walk in there and see it in everybody's eyes, them wondering "does she know?".

He said he could see my point and that I was right and that he was really sorry and it was s tupid thing to do without talking to me first. I guess she hadn't known about me either, after they left she asked him what was up & he told her that we had been seeing each other, she said she could understand why because she thought I was beautiful (damnit, can't I just hate her) and he agreed with her. He told me the whole thing was just weird because usually when he ends a relationship with someone it's because something is wrong but not with me, he really likes me and we have a lot of fun together and there was nothing wrong with *us*, just this girl has had his heart for a long time. I told him it was ok and that he has to do what he has to do and that we'll stay friends.

People keep telling me I'm too nice & I let him get off to easy.

I guess I figure if I were in his position I would do the same thing. I would've handled it differently of course, but I would've followed my heart.

I've seen them together at the bar twice since then. They were there Saturday night & last night. He was nice both times. He's come over & talk to me and buy me a drink. He said he wasn't going to be all touchy feely and kissing on her around me and he hasn't been so far.

So yea, that's where JS and I are at... bummer, I really liked him...

moving on...

Happy TMI!!

1. What is the best relationship advice you've ever received?
heh... "don't fall for him" damnit, I should've listened...

2. How many people have you dated at once? How many people do you think
it is acceptable to date at once?
have I mentioned I'm terrible at dating? I'm usually just having sex with people & as long as you're honest and safe with the people you're sleeping with I don't think there really is an acceptable number. Just whatever works for you.

3. What made your worst kiss so bad?
omg, that boy had no clue what he was doing... he was all slobbery tongue and like... I don't even know how to explain it.. he was "poking" me with his tongue and like trying to suck my face off. It's the only person I've had to tell to calm down and go slower... didn't hook up with him again...

4. Can a relationship last if the sex is bad?
How bad are we talking and is it fixable? I think bad sex will definitely put a strain on a relationship but as long as both parties are willing to work on it you can always make sex better!

5. What one thing would you like your partner to do every time you have
sex with them?
every time? mmmmm.... kiss my neck

Bonus (as in optional): What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
it's all in the eyes... how you look at them followed by the smile ;)

Back in the Saddle

I've been able to go around & catch up on some reading today and over on AR's blog she had a little survey and I'm a sucker for these things so I thought I'd play along.. so if you're reading, play along too and let me know you did so I can come read!


*What side of the heart do you draw first?
The left side.


*Can you dive without plugging your nose?
I used to be able to, been a while since I tried


*What color is your phone?
home phone is black & silver, cell phone is black


*Who would you want to be tied to for 24 hours?
hmm, some really interesting hot guy who wouldn't annoy me... that would be a cool way to get to know someone (maybe?)


*Where are you right now?
home


*How do you feel about carrots?
I like them.. when I quit smoking 5yrs ago is chewed on baby carrots like they were going out of style, I credit them with helping me to quit.


*How many chairs at the dining room table?
4.


*Who is the best Spice Girl?
hmmm.. I always liked Mel C.


*Do you know what time it is?
7:18pm (I'm on a computer, of course I know the time)


*What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator?
play games, surf the internet & text people on my phone... please let me be stuck with a hot guy though for some elevator sex!

*What's your favorite kind of gum?
Stride, the new peppermint flavor

*T or F: All is fair in love and war?
no, getting lied to and deceived is not fair at all


*Do you use words that you don't know the meaning to?
oh hell no.. I am not going to look stupid


*Do you like to sleep?
I used to like it a lot more than I do now. I like sleeping with someone for the cuddling aspect. By myself, I'll usually get up when I wake up


*Do you know which US states don't use Daylight Savings?
Yes. :D Arizona and Hawaii.


*Do you know the song Sugar We're Goin' Down?
I do, good song


*Do you want a bright yellow '06 mustang?
no... yellow should not be the color of cars


*What's something you've always wanted?
permanence


*Do you wear a lot of black?
not as much as I used to but I still wear a good amount


*Describe your hair.
about to my bra strap, kinda wavy, reddish brown with lots of blonde highlights


*Are you an adult?
By age yes.


*Who is/are your best friends?
RD


*Do you have a tan?
Nah.


*Are you a television addict?
I don't know that I'm an addict but I do have a lot of shows that I watch. Plus I live alone so I find myself watching it to pass the time a lot.

*Do you enjoy spending time with your mom?
Depends on what we're doing.


*Are you a sugar freak?
nope, I rarely eat anything with sugar in it


*What is your favorite movie?
Moulin Rouge


*What's your sign?
Virgo!

*Where do you wish you were right now?
anywhere but my apartment.. I have cabin fever


*Who did you copy this from?
AR


*How do you know them?
The bloggy world.


*Would you have sex with them?
well.. I don't really know her, lol


*What brand of shirt are you wearing?
I have no idea.. something with 2 frogs on it & it says "My Pad or Yours?"


*Have you ever smoked anything?
Yep.

Sorry, no HNT pics today, I forgot to take one while I was at work today.. .next week!

Color Change...

I lightened up the background & changed the text a bit (I'm still trying to decide if I like it so any and all input is welcome)... If anyone is still having any problems with seeing my blog please let me know and I'll do my best to fix it up right!

I haven't forgot about anyone! My bloglines is piling up with unread posts that I promise I will get to!! I just haven't been around reading blogs yet this week. I haven't had much of an attention span since my surgery plus my laptop died over the weekend so I don't have it sitting in front of me in the evenings right now... should have a new one by next week!

Also, if anyone has a link to me on their blog and I don't have a visible link to yours, please let me know and I will be sure and add you!

Hope everyone had a great hump day and that someone out there got laid for me!

Back! and Happy TMI!

So, my surgery went well... What is was is that I had a cyst removed from the girl parts. In case you're interested, searching around on the internet the closest thing I've found that describes what I had is a Gartner's Cyst. I only had one minior complication that ended me up back in the ER Friday night. I guess the empty space where they removed the cyst from had filled up with fluid & blood and me getting up & walking around caused it to leak out of my sutures. Holy cow that hurt, I thought I had torn my stitches. It all turned out ok though :)

OMG... My sex drive is back! How crazy is that! Without that stupid cyst down in my vaginal area pressing against everything, my parts are all ready to rock & roll! Too bad I'm not supposed to do anything for like 4 weeks :(

I think JS and I are on the outs anyways though so it's all good.
It's just a feeling I have. I think I'm ok with it. Yes, I have a big crush on him but I'm not that emotionally invested in the whole thing. Plus, he's just not in a space in his life where he's ready for something serious and I'm not sure I am either. Don't get me wrong, I think he and I would be great together and really happy and if right now we can hold on to each other and make it through this maybe somewhere down the road we can be together but right now, it's just bad timing.

OH! I'm so proud of RD! I swear, all of a sudden she and I have switched places. Here I am sleeping with one boy and here she is going out to hook up with a COUPLE that she met on the internet. Plus like 2 other guys! (One she slept with, one she didn't) She's always been too afraid to actually go out and do it and I keep telling her that it's something she needs to do. Go out, experience life and your sexuality, have fun, break away from the ties that bind you to past people! I think she's finally starting to understand...

DM sent me a text the other night, he wanted to know why I wasn't out with him, lol... I told him about my surgery, he was really sweet and asked if there was anything he could do... I tell you what, I know what he can do after I'm all healed ;)

and now for some TMI!

1. What’s the deal with blue balls?
um, isn't that when a guy gets all hot & bothered and doesn't get a release? I believe I've been guilty of inflicting that a time or three...

2. What is the hottest vehicular sex scene in a movie?
I'm not recalling one on my own so from that list I'll have to pick Titanic... She lost her virginity, in a car.. on a ship.. hiding from people.. to a hot guy- what a rush

3. Strap-on? yes, no, give, receive?
hahaha... never received but might consider it, I did give one time... do you know that strap-on spelled backwards is no-parts ;)

4. What is the average penis length?
I *think* it's around 6"

5. How do you stimulate his prostate? Guys, do you like it?
a finger up the ass? and yes, they like it, if they say no they're lying or too scared to try ;)

Bonus (as in optional): Confession Tuesday... tell me a secret!
hmmmm... I don't think I currently have any secrets to tell...

HNT

Here we are again, another , yay!

I have a lot on my mind but I'm not very talkative today... not feeling well also, and I'm having minor surgery done tomorrow. So you'll just have to bare with me till I get through it.

After tomorrow though... things should be SO much better physically and this weekend I plan on resolving the emotional stuff as well.

I want my sex drive back, damnit!

oh yea.. I started blogging about that the other day but never finished. Yep, lost my sex drive... not horny even a little bit. I even read some erotic stories the other day and nothin. I'm sure with just the right touch from a boy somethin could happen but it isn't happenin on its own. I know it has a lot to do with the reason I'm having the surgery tomorrow but I also know it has a little to do with my emotional state right now so I'm just waiting for it to pass.

I tell you what though once that's fixed, I don't care if it's JS, DM, or some random guy in a bar... I'm havin some hot, sweaty, please go down on me & make me cum all night long, sex... that's all there is to it :)

So, in honor of HNT here is.... uh, my foot :P

damn you TMI

Todays TMI talking about infidelity and such has really got me dwelling on something that happened over the weekend that I have got to get out in the open before I drive myself crazy.

On Friday night I went to the bar and JS was already there and was talking to another girl. It was a really awkward situation that actually turned out to be all good once I was told she was just a friend. Apparently she's going through a break up and is sleeping on Js's couch for a few days while she finds a place. I have since hung out with her and found out she's a really cool girl and my mind is now at ease.

That night though everything was weird and the two of them left early while I stayed at the bar drinking with some other friends. After my friends left I ended up hanging out buddy of JS who's usually there. Not a bad guy, he does spend most of his time in a bar, usually drunk, but I was cool with him keeping me company that night.

One more thing I should add here before I go any further and this is the reason for most of the guilt I feel and the reason why my stomach is in knots while I'm putting this in my blog knowing she's going to find out when she reads it instead of hearing it from me... This guy is someone who RD has been kissing the past couple weekends. She doesn't like him as anything serious, she won't ever sleep with him and definately won't date him but she has kissed him a few times.

Which leads me to what happened.

After JS and the girl left I proceeded to drink... a lot. I got fairly drunk and was having a good time then at one point the friend asked me to come with him behind the building so he could get stoned. Now that was all fine & dandy, i don't smoke weed but don't really care if anyone else does. So, I went outside with him and we were sittin back there talkin, and it must have been about JS because he tells me that I'm really beautiful and JS was stupid for going home and leaving me there and if he was JS he never would have done it. Then he asks if he can kiss me, just once. I tell him no, he can't.. and then he tries it anyways... with tongue no less! I didn't kiss him back, I even closed my mouth in a way that he wouldn't ruin my lipstick. So nothing happened but I'm still trippin on it.

I know RD doesn't like him as anything more than a guy she kissed but I don't want her to feel betrayed that it happened. JS and I don't have any type of commitment so even if I had kissed this guy it wouldn't have been cheating or anything but I still feel guilty for it. In a way I think he should know what type of a person his "buddy" is that he'd go around kissing his girl but at the same time I don't want to be the person who comes between friends. This guy also worries me because there was already one issue that happened with him a few weeks ago where he told me something hurtful that supposedly JS had said that turned out to not be accurate. I don't want the situation this time to be him telling JS something that I supposedly said or did and have it not be accurate. The four of us are also supposd to go to a baseball game this weekend and I don't want to screw that up.

Good lord, I hate drama and I hate being conflicted. If there's anything that's going to cause JS and I to not work out it's going to be everybody else trying to be involved in it.

TMI #96

1. Define "infidelity" as it relates to a relationship.
ooo.. touchy subject for me. I think infidelity can be defined differently for every relationship you're in depending on the level of trust you have with your partner and the boundaries you have set with one another. Definately something like having sex with another person, oral, kissing, that type of stuff is off limits but also something like holding hands while having an intimate conversation could be a little unnerving and create some doubt and tension in the relationship. I guess that all goes back to comfort level though... and seriously, if you want to be with someone else then please just break up with me first!
Have you ever been guilty of infidelity?
no.. I could never emotionally or morally bring myself to do something like that.

Have you ever been the victim of infidelity?
ug, yes... all but one boyfriend physically cheated on me and that one did it emotionally...

Have you ever been a participant in someone else's infidelity?
unfortunately, I have to say yes... I have dated two married men.. I'm not proud of it

2. What is the last thing you stole?
haha... I want to say someone's heart but really, I can't recall what the last thing I stole was...

3. Name one place in your country that you have never been but would like to visit and why.
I have to limit this to one place?? ok, New York.... I'm a silly romantic and I love movies and NY always comes across as this romantic place to me. Plus, it's a place with a lot of history and some fantastic things to see.

4. What movies can you watch over and over again?
Moulin Rouge, Highlander, Sweet Home Alabama, Top Gun, X-Men (all), Independance Day, Armageddon, Underworld I & II, Empire Records, Legend

I could go on & on :)

5. Who is the last person you saw naked?
JS

Bonus (as in optional): In honor of the 237 reasons we have sex study. Tell us at least five but not more than ten reason you have had sex.
I wanted to experiment with new experiences.
I was "horny."
I was attracted to the person.
I was sexually aroused and wanted the release.
I wanted to show my affection to the person.
I desired emotional closeness (i.e. intimacy).
I was in love