My absence

yes, I'm still around.... sorry to have pulled a Houdini to anyone who was reading my blog on a regular basis.

I'm the kind pf person that when stuff starts to get serious or emotional I kinda stop talking about it and I pull into myself and deal with it on my own. I don't like hearing negative things about situations that I'm trying to turn around into something positive. I guess that's kinda what happened here and in real life. Don't get me wrong, regardless of whether or not I wanted to hear it, doesn't mean that any of it was incorrect, I just kinda need to go through an experience things myself to learn the lesson.

That being said... give me some time and I'll be back. CB and I have been together this whole time up until 2 days ago. It was really good at times and sometimes it was bad but now it's over. I need some more time to myself before I start putting stuff down into words again. I also want to get back to the original intention of this blog... it was supposed to be a sex blog, not someplace that I came to and started acting like a teenager with a silly crush.

I hope everyone is doing well and I hope to find some inspiration soon!

xoxo
Cali Girl

TMI a little late but here!

1. Have you ever met a fellow blogger in person?
nope, I have met people from online games or message boards though...

2. Did you ever play an innocent game of "I'll show you mine if you show me yours"? How old were you?
hmmm, not that I can recall but probably...

3. When did you get your first not so innocent kiss?
I was 13 & at the skating rink... didn't ever know his name, just some guy who kissed me outside

4. Have you ever awoke with someone who's name you did not remember?
LOL...yes! Thank god RD knew about it so she called me the next morning and I put her on the phone with him and she found it out for me.

5. Have you ever let someone else wash you while you were perfectly capable of doing it yourself?
just the other day as a matter of fact :)

Bonus (as in optional): What makes a great first date for you?
conversation!

I really could care less where we go, as a matter of fact, the more casual the better... as long as there's great conversation I'm a happy camper!

oh boy

he's still damn cute.

I went and saw Mike tonight. He called me yesterday and we talked for a while, he asked me to come and see him because his girlfriend lost her ID and can't go.

He's so cute. I guess he'd been nervous and talking about me to his "neighbor" all day. He was still nervous while we were visiting. He'd be talking and all of a sudden look at me and lose his train of thought. He's always told me that I have the most beautiful eyes he's ever seen, he told me again tonight. He told me that if there's anything that could take him away from the great relationship he's in now it would be me. I didn't say anything else to that other than "I know".

I'm not gonna get wrapped up in him again, I just can't. I told him I didn't trust him and he said he understands and doesn't blame me. He also told me that he's finally figured out how much easier and better it is to tell the truth to people than to lie and he's worked really hard in his current relationship to be up front and honest with her.

On another note, I have to have surgery again. Same thing. Apparently I actually had 2 cysts and no one could feel or see the 2nd one until the 1st was gone. So I'll be broken again in about 2 1/2 weeks. CB said he'd take care of me after I have it done. We'll see if he's still around. Something happened the other day and I've told him he has one more chance and if he screws it up this time I'm walking away.

Sorry for my lack of blogging. I usually do it during the day at work and until yesterday the DSL had been down about a week. It's back up and I'm back!

No new HNT pics today, I'll get some next week.

Your voice sounds exactly the same...

That's the first thing he said when he called this morning...

Yes, I finally mailed Mike a letter on Wednesday or Thursday.

I'm actually doing really good. It was so great to talk to him. There wasn't any awkwardness or anything. We just talked like it hadn't been even a day since the last time we actually did. It was... comforting. We didn't talk for very long, maybe 10-15min. We talked a little bit about what I've been up to, a little bit about him, a little bit about his girlfriend. I guess he wrote me back yesterday when he got my letter, it'll be interesting to see what he had to say, and he said he'll call again so we'll see.

CB and I are still getting along pretty well. Last night we hung out a bit, he ended up staying the night then today we went out to lunch and to the movies. We saw 30 Days of Night. It was alright, not what I expected and I'm not sure I like how it ends but I was proud of myself for going. I don't usually like horror movies.. well, ever since I saw Event Horizon. That movie scared me so bad I haven't been able to really watch horror movies since I saw it.

The sex is still fucking fantastic... last night as soon as we walked in the door he threw me against the wall and gave me the most incredible kiss. Somehow from there we made it into the bedroom and of course the first thing he does is use that incredibly talented tongue to make me cum.... god, that is just my most favorite thing ever. After that it was allllll good....

Here's to it happening all over again tonight!

busy day and a little HNT

My boss is out of town so I'm running all three stores and it gets to be a bit of a juggling act. Not to mention I have an incompetent employee who frustrates me to no end.

CB and I spent the last 2 nights together. Both nights were actually really good. We seem to get along really well when we're together, it's when we're apart that we'll end up bickering about something stupid. It was fun to spend Halloween with him though. We drove around & looked at the different houses that were decorated then went to dinner then grabbed some ice cream, came back here, lit a bunch of candles and cuddled on the couch. It was fun.

last week ATLLG demanded more of the eyes so this one's for you :)

TMI #107

1. If they kept stats of your sex life like they do in sports, what would you lead the league in? what all time record would you hold?
haha, this is kind of a silly question... I don't think I'd lead the league or hold any records for anything...

2. What song gets you in the mood to have sex? best music to fuck to? best music to make love to?
oddly enough, I don't think I've ever had sex to music...maybe way back when I was a teenager or something, I dunno. As far as what gets me in the mood... anything that I can grind up against someone to...

3. Where is your favorite place to have sex in your house/apartment?
the bed... boring, I know... although, I'd really love for someone to bend me over the kitchen table or fuck me while I'm sitting on the kitchen counter....

4. (girls) Have you sent or given your used panties to a guy? Do you know what happened to them? (guys) Have you taken/asked for a girls panties before? What did you do with them? (non-breeders) What is the protocol for this "tradition"?
nope, my panties always go back on... plus, that's just weird to me

5. What makes a kiss a great to you?
passion...

Bonus: Who pays for a date? If the girl asks a guy out, does she pay? If you are interested in same sex partners, how do you determine who pays?
I kinda like to keep things fair... he'll pay one time I'll pay the next. If we do something like dinner and the movies and he pays for dinner I'll get the movies.

My Solution & Some HNT

ok, I finally came to a decision about Mike. I'm not going to go visit him, I know he has a girlfriend and I don't want to take a visit from her plus, although it probably wouldn't happen, there's always the chance that he'd refuse my visit and that would crush me. Instead I wrote him a letter and included my phone number and am going to leave it up to him whether or not he wants to talk to me. I just hope I can finally get some closure so I can close that chapter of my life and finally start to move on.

As for CB, he and I are still being dysfunctional, I really need to move on, I'm not sure what's stopping me. We had another stupid arguement last night and I haven't heard from him at all today. I'm sure that'll only last until tomorrow night though...

Here's me tired and a little hungover but making it through the day!

I didn't go

I wanted to go visit him so badly last night but I didn't. I went and hung out with some friends at the bar instead. The next time he's allowed visitors is Thursday so today I'm safe from sitting here wondering "should I go?" for at least a day. I did dream about him again last night, that's happened every night since I saw his brother on Friday. I guess my brain is just trying to sort out the conflict while I'm sleeping. I need closure and I'm never gonna get it if I don't see him...am I gonna get it if I see him though?

oh yea, for the record...

I did end up having sex Friday night

I can't seem to hold out & stop talking to CB for very long, that time it was from Sat to Fri... As soon as I end up in the same place as him I give in & end up taking him home with me. He is good with his tongue, his hands, everything else and knows the right places to touch just the right way to drive me crazy plus he knows and does the one kinky thing that turns me on more than anything and it's just too damn hot to give up!!!

So yes, many orgasms were had Friday night...

Confusion, Turmoil & Some TMI

We all have one... the one that got away, the person who hurt you so bad it's hard for you to trust anyone else now, the #100 on your "100 Things" list, the guy who you've started a blog about but have never been quite able to finish telling the story, the love of your life, one of the only 2 first kisses you remember, the boy you fell in love with when you were 12 but didn't get together with until you were 23... the boy who broke your heart when you were 25 and you've never really been able to move beyond it.

ok, ok, so maybe you don't have that guy, but I do.

The last time I talked to him was in July '03 and every day since then I've thought about him and wondered where he was and what he was doing.

Friday night I ran into his brother at the bar and got the answer to that question.

He's in jail, in the town that I live in and now I'm waging a war inside myself on whether or not I should go see him.

I think I need to. Not for answers, I don't want an explanation of why he did what he did. I just want to know we can be friends and that I can walk away this time.

we'll see.

ok, enough of that... time for some TMI!

1. What are your 7 favorite tactile things that turn you on? Sex (like oral, or penetrative) cannot be an answer. (Examples: silk, light tickling, etc).
massages, light tickling, kissing and light kisses in the right spots.. ok, really anywhere on the body, sucking on my neck, feathers, silk... is that 7?

2. What are your non-genital errogenous zones and what do you like done to them?
There's this spot on my neck that Mike was always able to find... omg, it would drop me to my knees, aside from that back of the knees & ankles...

3. What sounds get you sexually charged?
the quickening of breathing and any kind of moans or noises from a guy... I love guys who make noise when they're turned on, that just gets me going like you wouldn't believe.

4. After losing your virginity, what is the longest you’ve gone without penetrative sex?
I'm not sure, I lost my virginity at 14 so I'd guess 6 months and that would've been years & years ago... now I'm goin crazy if I go 6 days :P

5. What is your least favorite sexual position? Why don't you like it?
I'm actually not a fan of being on top, it eventually hurts my back.

Bonus (as in optional):If you could sexually dominate or submit to 5 people - any 5, currently living or deceased - which 5 would it be?
I think I'm gonna pass on the bonus this week, I don't really have a good answer for it...

Happy TMI!

What happened to the sex?

Seriously.

My original intent of this blog was to talk about all my smutty little adventures and what did I go and do... I broke my rules and got involved with a boy and then another one and then started talking about feelings and stuff and stopped writing about sex.

My bad.

So, while maybe not this weekend (I think I'm getting my effin period, why couldn't it wait till Monday!) but hopefully next weekend I'll make an effort to get back to my prowling ways and find a cute new victim to tell you all about :)

So, hope everyone has a sex fill weekend, have an orgasm or two for me!

Kisses!

I kinda miss him...

RD dedicated this song to be our song so now it reminds me of him... This isn't the actual video for it but I'm not able to link to the real one. You can search for Jason Michael Carroll over on YouTube if you want to see his version.

TMI #104 (a week late)

I took a look at this weeks questions and don't really have any good answers for them since I'm not so good at the dating thing so since I missed last week I figured I'd go back & do those instead.

oh, and bare with me, I'm messing with my blog colors again :)

1. Wash up, cuddle or fall asleep?
I'd say cuddle or just lay there with one body part touching, like a hand, leg or foot. I'm usually too wired to sleep and washing up right away is just tacky... well, unless it's one of those kinds of things ;)

2. Have you ever fake orgasms?
haha, yes, he needed to be done!

3. In any 24 hour period, what is the most number of times you have ever had sex?
I think this question is really open a lot to interpretation. What is considered a "time". Is it when he cums, when I cum? When he stops then starts again 10 minutes later after a breather? A couple weeks ago I had sex off & on from around midnight to 3am then resumed again off & on from like 8am to noon... (good lord that was fun!)

4. Have you ever had sex or give/received oral sex while you were driving a car?
I know I've given oral while someone was driving & I want to say that I've received but it would've been so long ago that I can't clearly recall if I have or not...

5. What do you think the average number of sexual partners your sex has in their lifetime (so for me a male)? Do you think most people lie when asked?
I'd probably say around 6, although in todays day & age women are becoming more and more ok with casual relationships and sleeping with more men than in past history so the number is probably larger. As far as lying about it, I'd imagine there are a lot of women out there who do lie about it since it's still not really socially acceptable for a woman to sleep around.

Bonus (as in optional):Can men and women be "just friends?" (Explain)
I think it's possible but not too common. At some point human nature kicks in and one of the two develops an attraction for the other.

My Random Ponderings

It's interesting the different answers people come up with to these questions. You're welcome to answer them here in a comment or to just ponder them to yourself.


Why do we have such a need to have someone else in our lives to make us feel complete?

Why do we love when we know we might get hurt or hurt someone?

Why do we need love at all?

Is there such a thing as love at first sight?

Is there such a thing as soul mates?

Happy Monday

This weekend was alright.

Friday night RD and I went out to the bar. CB showed up not too long after we were there and a bunch of other people we know were there. She ended up playing dice with a few people down on the other end of the bar from where CB and I were sitting. It was really great to see her laughing and having a good time but I couldn't help thinking... why am I not down there. I'm usually the one right up in the middle of the fun but here I was sittin on a bar stool next to this guy, hardly talking and not having the best time I could've. Yea, I probably should've gotten up & gone over & played dice with everyone else but I didn't really want to deal with the comment or the bad mood I probably would've gotten later about it. He did end up coming home and staying the night with me... after all that with the cat stuff I didn't even ask why he made the exception.

Saturday after RD got off work we swung by a BBQ I had been invited to, it was ok, mostly really young or older people but the location was a beautiful piece of property. I hadn't heard from CB pretty much all day other than 1 silly text forward which I thought was strange, he usually sends me text messages all throughout the day just sayin hi or seeing what I'm up to. So, around 6pm I sent him one asking how his day was & got no response. Around 9:30 RD and I went to the bar & he was there and of course, like every Saturday he was already really drunk. Now, he's one of those people who kind of has a hair trigger personality and something so silly & random can set him off, when he's drunk it's so much worse, it drives me nuts. He was pretty good though throughout the night until it came time to leave. One of his friends came out to the car(I was sober) to say goodbye to us and I guess he said something to piss of CB so then they had to do the manly talking shit chest to chest thing until I said something about knocking off the infantile behavior or I was leaving by myself. His friend got him to back down & get in the car & we left. So then we get to my house he gets out, comes around and tells me that he's leaving... wtf. There was a short conversation that was had with me basically saying if he wasn't going to come up & stay the night that we were done.. sorry, I'm not ok with the drunk driving. He actually chose to get in the car and leave...

He sent me a text about 1/2 later saying good night sweetie and I sent one back telling him I meant what I said about us being done and I haven't heard from him since...

I'm ok with it all, yes I liked him and yes I'll miss him but I can only say "He's really nice when he's sober" so many times before it becomes ridiculous.

It took a lot of convincing for me to give him a shot so I think I want to take a break from the whole dating just one person thing for a while. I don't like to nor do I want to have to modify my behavior and who I am for someone else, that doesn't make me happy.

Uninspired & Some HNT

That's how I'm feeling I suppose, and it's not that I'm unhappy or anything, I just don't really know what to say right now. Almost a writers block I suppose.

I do have one little frustrating thing going on though. I've finally given in and been hanging out with Country Boy... by the way, I'm shortening him to CB... anyways, I've decided that I like him. He's really sweet to me and we have a good time together.

Now here comes the part where I'm Karmically cursed.

A couple years ago he had lung cancer & had a transplant and is now immunosuppressed and has to get labs done every couple weeks to make sure everything's ok. He went a couple days ago and his labs came back that he has some weird virus that has something to do with cats that he had before and had to get blood transfusions for to get rid of.

Well, I have a cat... and I'm not giving her up... and now he can't hang out at my place and his place isn't an option.

Aside from that stuff, JS's new girlfriend and I have tentatively started talking and are on our way to becoming friends. She's a nice girl and while I was feeling a little resentful towards her at first for what happened, I know it's not her fault and he's a good friend and I just want him to be happy and this is what he's chosen. So I support that and want to make it comfortable for everyone and want everyone to be friends & have a good time.

Little bit of HNT for ya! I posted one of my tattoos a couple weeks ago so here's the rest.

TMI #103

1. Early bird or night owl?
I am such the night owl!

I will go to bed as late as possible to still get up on time in the morning.. and boy, watch out cause I'm sooooo not a morning person, lol

2. If you could only be one, would you rather be smart or good looking?
damnit, this one is hard... I'm both smart and good looking and I'm not sure which I'd give up... just how "not good looking" would I be?? Would I still be good looking enough to pick up guys? hehe... I'm bad, I know...

3. Do you gossip?
little bit to my best friend but tthat's to be expected... I'm pretty good at extracting gossip from people without giving up any of my own info though

4. On a scale of 1-10, how adventurous are you? (1 is lowest, 10 is highest)
sexually- about an 8 or 9, in life- probably a 5 or 6

5. On a scale of 1-10, how good a kisser do you think you are? ( ditto )
an 11! no, really... I'm a sensual kisser and I like to nibble on lower lips a little ;)

Bonus (as in optional):What do you consider the biggest turn on out of the following? a) lingerie b) movies c) toys d) role playing e) leather f) none of this does anything for me
what happened to g)all of the above? .... any one of those things can be a huge turn on given the setting, mood & other person involved...

ok, so yea, still can't keep it in my pants...

Once again I went to the bar last night, was drinking and ended up talking to Country Boy for the first time since Sunday. He apologized and was being really nice & not drinking too much because he didn't want to upset me again so I ended up forgiving him enough to let him drive me home then couldn't help it and invited him in.

What can I say, I was horny and he's friggin fantastic in bed!

We got to my place a little after one and were still going at it at 3:15 when my neighbors pounded on their ceiling to try and shut us up (hehe). We went through every position from missionary to him on top, behind, laying side by side, me on my back w/him on his side... he went down & made me cum 3 or 4 times and good lord does this boy know how to find my g-spot. Then this morning we went for a few more hours all over again :)

oh! and thanks to the Rum, I told him that I like things a little kinky. Hair pulling, spanking, being dominated, the whole hand on the neck thing and I "may" have told him I like being tied up but I don't exactly remember. So after I told him he did get a little forceful, pinning my hands above my head & stuff like that, it was great!

We'll have to see if he behaves himself well enough tonight for me to take him home again :)

weirdness...

JS called me tonight...

Just to talk...

I'd almost forgotten how easy it was to have a great conversation with someone...

We talked about baseball and football and stuff he has going on with his cousin & friends. We were laughing and talking and it was just so easy.

Something interesting that's sitting in the back of my mind about this whole thing and it's probably nothing, but I know Sat night he & the new girl got into a fight. To the point where they left the bar and he came back without her. By that time I was leaving though so I didn't really get a chance to hang out with him...

So yea...

I really miss talking to him...

TMI #102 & My Weekend

1. Who did you think you would marry in elementary school?
I don't remember having anyone that I thought I would marry back then... I remember having crushes but not anything to that fantasy degree...

2. Which muppet is your favorite? Why?
I love those two old guys up in the balcony, they're all grouchy and funny and they crack me up!... aside from them, I loved Animal, he was crazy and of course, Kermie.. well, just 'cause he's Kermie :)

3. Which politician would you most like to screw? [For pleasure or revenge]
I don't like & don't follow politics so I've got nothin for ya on this one... for the record, I do vote in every election though

4. How did you first find the g-spot?
not me... I rely on other people to do that ;)

5. What is the best costume you've ever worn?
there was that French Maid's outfit... juuuuust kidding. Huh, ok, I guess when I was in elementary school for a few Halloweens I dressed up as a roller skating majorette... that way I got to wear roller skates for teh whole day at school, that was cool :)

Bonus (as in optional):Does pornography liberate or deteriorate society?
liberate baby! I swear, everybody needs to lighten up when it comes to sex... it's such a natural & fun thing and it's made out to be this taboo thing unless you're married blah, blah, blah.. and god forbid you're a female who sleeps around, then we're gonna call you a slut & look at you sideways while we're whispering under your breath about you...

except when I get you in my bed then you're whispering in my ear that I'm the best you ever had ;)

ok, wow, I got a little ranty there for a sec.... um, yea, I'm all for porn as long as it doesn't interfere with your life and ability to perform with your sig. other.


Happy TMI everyone... sorry I haven't posted in a few days, I drank a whole lot over the weekend for my birthday and spent the last couple recovering.

Friday night I ended up going to the bar, Country Boy was there but I ignored him for the first couple hours & he did the same, then around midnight I had drank enough to go over and tell him what an ass he was and we ended up making up, lol... he came home with me that night & we had some pretty kinky fantastic sex, I ended up showing him my super secret fetish & oh wow!... then the next morning we ended up having sex a bunch more times... it was great!

Sat night, for my birthday I went out to dinner with friends then to the bar. I had a GREAT Time. Country Boy stayed home but came & picked me up & drove me home when I was too drunk to stay there anymore. (Going back and reading my drunk text messages to him is quite amusing)

Sunday night... *sigh* Sunday night was the end of he & I. He sent me a text asking if I'd like to go get a drink with him & I said yes so he came & picked me up. He had already been drnking by that time, it's hard to tell with him how much though. So we go to the bar and he has a few and with every one he turns more & more into an ass. He tried to pick fights with a couple of his friends down there and then he just really started being a dick to me. I was tired & had to work the next morning so I wanted to go home & at first he said he wasn't ready to leave then he said he'd drive me. I told him no, that he wasn't driving, I was going to drive (I was sober)... He refused to let me drive his truck. It just got worse & worse until I ended up going off on him in the bar and getting a ride home from someone else I knew. He did send me a couple texts later and called me a couple times, asking if he could come over but I told him no and that what he did was just so beyond disrespectful and rude and I was done.

What sucks the most is that he's really one of the sweetest, nicest guys you'll ever meet when he's sober but when he's drunk, oh buy, watch out, it's like Jekyll & Hyde...

So, I'm officially not attached to anyone anymore. At least not anyone that I have to worry about getting jealous or upset about the things that I do or who I talk to.

oh, on a side note... DM called me Friday night and was going to come out with me on Sat but ended up flaking... again. It was the first time I've heard his voice in a couple months, he's still damn adorable, I just wish he wasn't so damn flaky!