Next!

A while back RD found this really good article about breaking up and moving on and we've sort of adopted one of the points from it..

I will learn to say "next!"
Plain and simple, the world is full of men. Everywhere you turn, there's a man. Look — there goes one now! A wise woman once told me that men are like city buses: If you miss one, there will always be another. I decided that, from now on, I would not assign any man too much meaning too early on. I am not going to worry that I won't find "it" again. I will not worry that I'll end up in a rocking chair surrounded by cats
and empty wine bottles. I will remember that there will always be another.

Speaking of there always being another, I already have someone calling & texting me trying to get me to go out with him. Sheesh, I haven't even been single 5 minutes, I need room to breathe people! Besides, I'm not really a one guy kind of girl... How do I break that to a country boy who I've apparently got "hypnotized" as he puts it... *sigh* His crush is probably my fault though, everytime I've seen him I've been drinking and I get really flirty when I drink... oops!

RD and I went shopping at Fredericks of Hollywood the other day and I bought these really sexy lacy heels... I'm at work or I'd take a picture to post for today, I'll have to remember to do that when I'm there... for today, you get the shirt I'm wearing.. it's kinda hard to read but it says "My Pad or Yours"

HHNT!

Sometimes I hate being right... and happy TMI

So JS and I are officially done.

I knew something was up, I could feel it. I had called him on Wednesday and left a message and for the first time since we've met he didn't call back. So I called him again early Friday evening & he answered, I asked him if he had plans that night & he said he did so I asked if he had an hour to come talk to me because I think we needed to, he agreed that we needed to talk but that he was on his way out & didn't have time to that night so he'd call me when he woke up the next morning & come over then. ok, that's all fine & dandy.

RD was out of town & I decided I didn't want to sit home by myself so I went down to the bar, didn't see his car anywhere so I went in. I'd say I was there at least an hour before I kinda see the door open behind me & 2 people walk in, next thing I know he's tapping me on the shoulder asking if he can talk to me outside as I see a girl come in & go sit down at the end of the bar.

So I go outside and the conversation goes something like this:

him: so there's no easy way to say this but I'm seeing someone else

me: yea, no shit, ya think

him: I'm really sorry, this isn't the way I wanted you to find out, I didn't think you were here, I looked but didn't see your car.

me: what happened to you being a nice guy and not bringing a girl to this bar even if you had met someone.

him: I'm sorry, what do you want me to do.

me: leave, just leave, take her & get out of here, call me and come over tomorrow morning & we'll talk and maybe be able to stay friends but I'm not gonna talk to you here right now.

him: ok, I can do that.

So, we go back inside, I go sit down, he walks over to her, I guess she had ordered them drinks while we were outside cause they were just being set down. Anyways, not even a minute later they get up, full drinks on the bar and leave.

I thought that was a pretty stand up thing of hn to do.

So, the next morning he calls and comes over and we talk. He tells me she is someone he's known for a long time but hasn't seen in a few years and ran into her last week. He's had feelings for her for a long time and almost left his wife for her back in the day and she almost left her boyfriend but they both decided not to. So now that he's not married & she's single he'd hate himself if he passed up the opportunity to be with her. I told him I couldn't fault him for that but the way I found out was wrong. He had no business bringing her to that bar without me knowing about her first because one of two things were going to happen. Either he was going to walk in with her while I was there, which he did or I would walk in there and see it in everybody's eyes, them wondering "does she know?".

He said he could see my point and that I was right and that he was really sorry and it was s tupid thing to do without talking to me first. I guess she hadn't known about me either, after they left she asked him what was up & he told her that we had been seeing each other, she said she could understand why because she thought I was beautiful (damnit, can't I just hate her) and he agreed with her. He told me the whole thing was just weird because usually when he ends a relationship with someone it's because something is wrong but not with me, he really likes me and we have a lot of fun together and there was nothing wrong with *us*, just this girl has had his heart for a long time. I told him it was ok and that he has to do what he has to do and that we'll stay friends.

People keep telling me I'm too nice & I let him get off to easy.

I guess I figure if I were in his position I would do the same thing. I would've handled it differently of course, but I would've followed my heart.

I've seen them together at the bar twice since then. They were there Saturday night & last night. He was nice both times. He's come over & talk to me and buy me a drink. He said he wasn't going to be all touchy feely and kissing on her around me and he hasn't been so far.

So yea, that's where JS and I are at... bummer, I really liked him...

moving on...

Happy TMI!!

1. What is the best relationship advice you've ever received?
heh... "don't fall for him" damnit, I should've listened...

2. How many people have you dated at once? How many people do you think
it is acceptable to date at once?
have I mentioned I'm terrible at dating? I'm usually just having sex with people & as long as you're honest and safe with the people you're sleeping with I don't think there really is an acceptable number. Just whatever works for you.

3. What made your worst kiss so bad?
omg, that boy had no clue what he was doing... he was all slobbery tongue and like... I don't even know how to explain it.. he was "poking" me with his tongue and like trying to suck my face off. It's the only person I've had to tell to calm down and go slower... didn't hook up with him again...

4. Can a relationship last if the sex is bad?
How bad are we talking and is it fixable? I think bad sex will definitely put a strain on a relationship but as long as both parties are willing to work on it you can always make sex better!

5. What one thing would you like your partner to do every time you have
sex with them?
every time? mmmmm.... kiss my neck

Bonus (as in optional): What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
it's all in the eyes... how you look at them followed by the smile ;)

Back in the Saddle

I've been able to go around & catch up on some reading today and over on AR's blog she had a little survey and I'm a sucker for these things so I thought I'd play along.. so if you're reading, play along too and let me know you did so I can come read!


*What side of the heart do you draw first?
The left side.


*Can you dive without plugging your nose?
I used to be able to, been a while since I tried


*What color is your phone?
home phone is black & silver, cell phone is black


*Who would you want to be tied to for 24 hours?
hmm, some really interesting hot guy who wouldn't annoy me... that would be a cool way to get to know someone (maybe?)


*Where are you right now?
home


*How do you feel about carrots?
I like them.. when I quit smoking 5yrs ago is chewed on baby carrots like they were going out of style, I credit them with helping me to quit.


*How many chairs at the dining room table?
4.


*Who is the best Spice Girl?
hmmm.. I always liked Mel C.


*Do you know what time it is?
7:18pm (I'm on a computer, of course I know the time)


*What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator?
play games, surf the internet & text people on my phone... please let me be stuck with a hot guy though for some elevator sex!

*What's your favorite kind of gum?
Stride, the new peppermint flavor

*T or F: All is fair in love and war?
no, getting lied to and deceived is not fair at all


*Do you use words that you don't know the meaning to?
oh hell no.. I am not going to look stupid


*Do you like to sleep?
I used to like it a lot more than I do now. I like sleeping with someone for the cuddling aspect. By myself, I'll usually get up when I wake up


*Do you know which US states don't use Daylight Savings?
Yes. :D Arizona and Hawaii.


*Do you know the song Sugar We're Goin' Down?
I do, good song


*Do you want a bright yellow '06 mustang?
no... yellow should not be the color of cars


*What's something you've always wanted?
permanence


*Do you wear a lot of black?
not as much as I used to but I still wear a good amount


*Describe your hair.
about to my bra strap, kinda wavy, reddish brown with lots of blonde highlights


*Are you an adult?
By age yes.


*Who is/are your best friends?
RD


*Do you have a tan?
Nah.


*Are you a television addict?
I don't know that I'm an addict but I do have a lot of shows that I watch. Plus I live alone so I find myself watching it to pass the time a lot.

*Do you enjoy spending time with your mom?
Depends on what we're doing.


*Are you a sugar freak?
nope, I rarely eat anything with sugar in it


*What is your favorite movie?
Moulin Rouge


*What's your sign?
Virgo!

*Where do you wish you were right now?
anywhere but my apartment.. I have cabin fever


*Who did you copy this from?
AR


*How do you know them?
The bloggy world.


*Would you have sex with them?
well.. I don't really know her, lol


*What brand of shirt are you wearing?
I have no idea.. something with 2 frogs on it & it says "My Pad or Yours?"


*Have you ever smoked anything?
Yep.

Sorry, no HNT pics today, I forgot to take one while I was at work today.. .next week!

Color Change...

I lightened up the background & changed the text a bit (I'm still trying to decide if I like it so any and all input is welcome)... If anyone is still having any problems with seeing my blog please let me know and I'll do my best to fix it up right!

I haven't forgot about anyone! My bloglines is piling up with unread posts that I promise I will get to!! I just haven't been around reading blogs yet this week. I haven't had much of an attention span since my surgery plus my laptop died over the weekend so I don't have it sitting in front of me in the evenings right now... should have a new one by next week!

Also, if anyone has a link to me on their blog and I don't have a visible link to yours, please let me know and I will be sure and add you!

Hope everyone had a great hump day and that someone out there got laid for me!

Back! and Happy TMI!

So, my surgery went well... What is was is that I had a cyst removed from the girl parts. In case you're interested, searching around on the internet the closest thing I've found that describes what I had is a Gartner's Cyst. I only had one minior complication that ended me up back in the ER Friday night. I guess the empty space where they removed the cyst from had filled up with fluid & blood and me getting up & walking around caused it to leak out of my sutures. Holy cow that hurt, I thought I had torn my stitches. It all turned out ok though :)

OMG... My sex drive is back! How crazy is that! Without that stupid cyst down in my vaginal area pressing against everything, my parts are all ready to rock & roll! Too bad I'm not supposed to do anything for like 4 weeks :(

I think JS and I are on the outs anyways though so it's all good.
It's just a feeling I have. I think I'm ok with it. Yes, I have a big crush on him but I'm not that emotionally invested in the whole thing. Plus, he's just not in a space in his life where he's ready for something serious and I'm not sure I am either. Don't get me wrong, I think he and I would be great together and really happy and if right now we can hold on to each other and make it through this maybe somewhere down the road we can be together but right now, it's just bad timing.

OH! I'm so proud of RD! I swear, all of a sudden she and I have switched places. Here I am sleeping with one boy and here she is going out to hook up with a COUPLE that she met on the internet. Plus like 2 other guys! (One she slept with, one she didn't) She's always been too afraid to actually go out and do it and I keep telling her that it's something she needs to do. Go out, experience life and your sexuality, have fun, break away from the ties that bind you to past people! I think she's finally starting to understand...

DM sent me a text the other night, he wanted to know why I wasn't out with him, lol... I told him about my surgery, he was really sweet and asked if there was anything he could do... I tell you what, I know what he can do after I'm all healed ;)

and now for some TMI!

1. What’s the deal with blue balls?
um, isn't that when a guy gets all hot & bothered and doesn't get a release? I believe I've been guilty of inflicting that a time or three...

2. What is the hottest vehicular sex scene in a movie?
I'm not recalling one on my own so from that list I'll have to pick Titanic... She lost her virginity, in a car.. on a ship.. hiding from people.. to a hot guy- what a rush

3. Strap-on? yes, no, give, receive?
hahaha... never received but might consider it, I did give one time... do you know that strap-on spelled backwards is no-parts ;)

4. What is the average penis length?
I *think* it's around 6"

5. How do you stimulate his prostate? Guys, do you like it?
a finger up the ass? and yes, they like it, if they say no they're lying or too scared to try ;)

Bonus (as in optional): Confession Tuesday... tell me a secret!
hmmmm... I don't think I currently have any secrets to tell...

HNT

Here we are again, another , yay!

I have a lot on my mind but I'm not very talkative today... not feeling well also, and I'm having minor surgery done tomorrow. So you'll just have to bare with me till I get through it.

After tomorrow though... things should be SO much better physically and this weekend I plan on resolving the emotional stuff as well.

I want my sex drive back, damnit!

oh yea.. I started blogging about that the other day but never finished. Yep, lost my sex drive... not horny even a little bit. I even read some erotic stories the other day and nothin. I'm sure with just the right touch from a boy somethin could happen but it isn't happenin on its own. I know it has a lot to do with the reason I'm having the surgery tomorrow but I also know it has a little to do with my emotional state right now so I'm just waiting for it to pass.

I tell you what though once that's fixed, I don't care if it's JS, DM, or some random guy in a bar... I'm havin some hot, sweaty, please go down on me & make me cum all night long, sex... that's all there is to it :)

So, in honor of HNT here is.... uh, my foot :P

damn you TMI

Todays TMI talking about infidelity and such has really got me dwelling on something that happened over the weekend that I have got to get out in the open before I drive myself crazy.

On Friday night I went to the bar and JS was already there and was talking to another girl. It was a really awkward situation that actually turned out to be all good once I was told she was just a friend. Apparently she's going through a break up and is sleeping on Js's couch for a few days while she finds a place. I have since hung out with her and found out she's a really cool girl and my mind is now at ease.

That night though everything was weird and the two of them left early while I stayed at the bar drinking with some other friends. After my friends left I ended up hanging out buddy of JS who's usually there. Not a bad guy, he does spend most of his time in a bar, usually drunk, but I was cool with him keeping me company that night.

One more thing I should add here before I go any further and this is the reason for most of the guilt I feel and the reason why my stomach is in knots while I'm putting this in my blog knowing she's going to find out when she reads it instead of hearing it from me... This guy is someone who RD has been kissing the past couple weekends. She doesn't like him as anything serious, she won't ever sleep with him and definately won't date him but she has kissed him a few times.

Which leads me to what happened.

After JS and the girl left I proceeded to drink... a lot. I got fairly drunk and was having a good time then at one point the friend asked me to come with him behind the building so he could get stoned. Now that was all fine & dandy, i don't smoke weed but don't really care if anyone else does. So, I went outside with him and we were sittin back there talkin, and it must have been about JS because he tells me that I'm really beautiful and JS was stupid for going home and leaving me there and if he was JS he never would have done it. Then he asks if he can kiss me, just once. I tell him no, he can't.. and then he tries it anyways... with tongue no less! I didn't kiss him back, I even closed my mouth in a way that he wouldn't ruin my lipstick. So nothing happened but I'm still trippin on it.

I know RD doesn't like him as anything more than a guy she kissed but I don't want her to feel betrayed that it happened. JS and I don't have any type of commitment so even if I had kissed this guy it wouldn't have been cheating or anything but I still feel guilty for it. In a way I think he should know what type of a person his "buddy" is that he'd go around kissing his girl but at the same time I don't want to be the person who comes between friends. This guy also worries me because there was already one issue that happened with him a few weeks ago where he told me something hurtful that supposedly JS had said that turned out to not be accurate. I don't want the situation this time to be him telling JS something that I supposedly said or did and have it not be accurate. The four of us are also supposd to go to a baseball game this weekend and I don't want to screw that up.

Good lord, I hate drama and I hate being conflicted. If there's anything that's going to cause JS and I to not work out it's going to be everybody else trying to be involved in it.