damn you TMI

Todays TMI talking about infidelity and such has really got me dwelling on something that happened over the weekend that I have got to get out in the open before I drive myself crazy.

On Friday night I went to the bar and JS was already there and was talking to another girl. It was a really awkward situation that actually turned out to be all good once I was told she was just a friend. Apparently she's going through a break up and is sleeping on Js's couch for a few days while she finds a place. I have since hung out with her and found out she's a really cool girl and my mind is now at ease.

That night though everything was weird and the two of them left early while I stayed at the bar drinking with some other friends. After my friends left I ended up hanging out buddy of JS who's usually there. Not a bad guy, he does spend most of his time in a bar, usually drunk, but I was cool with him keeping me company that night.

One more thing I should add here before I go any further and this is the reason for most of the guilt I feel and the reason why my stomach is in knots while I'm putting this in my blog knowing she's going to find out when she reads it instead of hearing it from me... This guy is someone who RD has been kissing the past couple weekends. She doesn't like him as anything serious, she won't ever sleep with him and definately won't date him but she has kissed him a few times.

Which leads me to what happened.

After JS and the girl left I proceeded to drink... a lot. I got fairly drunk and was having a good time then at one point the friend asked me to come with him behind the building so he could get stoned. Now that was all fine & dandy, i don't smoke weed but don't really care if anyone else does. So, I went outside with him and we were sittin back there talkin, and it must have been about JS because he tells me that I'm really beautiful and JS was stupid for going home and leaving me there and if he was JS he never would have done it. Then he asks if he can kiss me, just once. I tell him no, he can't.. and then he tries it anyways... with tongue no less! I didn't kiss him back, I even closed my mouth in a way that he wouldn't ruin my lipstick. So nothing happened but I'm still trippin on it.

I know RD doesn't like him as anything more than a guy she kissed but I don't want her to feel betrayed that it happened. JS and I don't have any type of commitment so even if I had kissed this guy it wouldn't have been cheating or anything but I still feel guilty for it. In a way I think he should know what type of a person his "buddy" is that he'd go around kissing his girl but at the same time I don't want to be the person who comes between friends. This guy also worries me because there was already one issue that happened with him a few weeks ago where he told me something hurtful that supposedly JS had said that turned out to not be accurate. I don't want the situation this time to be him telling JS something that I supposedly said or did and have it not be accurate. The four of us are also supposd to go to a baseball game this weekend and I don't want to screw that up.

Good lord, I hate drama and I hate being conflicted. If there's anything that's going to cause JS and I to not work out it's going to be everybody else trying to be involved in it.